I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I smell like Dick and happiness
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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