so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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