ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
