Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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