I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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