Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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