i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
