He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Do vagina's smell?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize