Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
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Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
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HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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