Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
