i barfeds in our rink
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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