Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
