The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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