the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
