All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
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