i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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