Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
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i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
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Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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