I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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