we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
