so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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