the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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