I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She even gives head with a lisp.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
