We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
