Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
