I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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