i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
