i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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