when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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