My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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