Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
