Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
