Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
