Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
