I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
