Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
