you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
this will be a night to untag.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
