Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It's Friday. Sex?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
