Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
