Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
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