Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
