i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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