I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
