How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
