do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Why did my mother make you get naked?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
