i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
