and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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