she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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