SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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