She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
