i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
