i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
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Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
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Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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