Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
