I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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