and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
