Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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