I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
