and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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