I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize