best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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