the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
