He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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