i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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