I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
