Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
