FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize