when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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