i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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