guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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