So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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