so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
